Remember to breathe that air...

Sometimes that's how I feel. Like it's a struggle just to get through the day, doing the ordinary things that people do. Good thing I have so many things in my life to make me laugh. Like when my brother-in-law drunk dials me. He says my name about ten times in various ways. Then, after I ask what he's doing, he tells me he's just breathing some air. Then he asks if I can see the moon. Nope, I'm in Wally World so that's a negative. Oh well, he says, neither can I. 

Or when I have to meet with Pres. He randomly asks if I'm going on dates. Nope. Haven't been on one of those in a few years. Then he drops the bomb. "What do you think of MB?" Really?!? Out of all the people in the whole wide world, that's who he suggests? I couldn't even say anything. I was totally speeachless. All I could do was nod no. The nervous laugh didn't even come out. When he pressed me about it, I told Pres the proposed date annoys me a little. Pres busted up laughing. Told me he thought I was gonna say I had a crush on him. WRONG! Then Pres surprised me again by telling me I'd changed a lot in six months. He wasn't quite sure what it was, but to keep on. 

I've never been one to accept compliments very graciously. It usually turns pretty awkward. I suppose the good thing is it gets me to do a little self-examining. Someone told me the other day I just keep impressing them. How, I have no clue. I don't thing there's anything exceptional about me. I failed at the not being critical stint, although lately I've found it easier to be in the same room with certain people. I've tried to make improvements on my fellowshipping abilities, as well as focusing more on the important people in my life. No se how successful I've been, though. 

I try to let my light shine, but sometimes it's hard when I'm standing in the middle of a downpour...

I'm a kayak, hear me roar...

I like to think I'm independent. I pay bills myself. I cook meals myself. I do laundry myself. I grocery shop myself. I book trips myself. I travel by myself. I make decisions myself. I haven't lived with my family in over two years. I'm single, and I like to think I'm pretty good at it. I get frustrated when I need to rely on other people to do something for me. Lately, I've been feeling so independent that I feel comfortable going to the movies or eating out alone. Kind of a huge step for me. However, there are some things that still frighten me. 

One such thing is living by my lonesome. The thought is terrifying. It's silly when I think about it, because I practically live alone right now. The roomies are hardly ever home. But there are roomies. I can say goodbye to that in less than a month. Gma and I were talking and she said are you okay with that? Well, not really, but I'll just have to work on that. What is it about simply having a roommate that brings a sense of safety? Thankfully mi padre is going to come up to help move me into the new apartment. Maybe I'll feel a little more peace after getting his endorsement of the place. And once I get a microwave and a vacuum...

I've reached a point in my life where I'm happy with my single status. I can't quite remember the last time I went on a date. Besides, I don't feel like I have time to commit to a relationship. Someday those feelings will change, I'm sure. I hope the future holds someone who will tell me "I just like to see you happy", and that when that time comes I will be content with letting go of some of my more independent tendencies. 

My satisfaction with my life at this point comes in part from my family. I've had the chance to spend some quality time with everyone this summer. Even Dad. I think he likes to make me cry. Not in a bad way. We always get into discussions that bring out the emotional in me, though. I can count on him to always be totally honest with me, even though he can be a bit blunt at times. We were talking one night about character flaws, and I was curious as to what he thought mine was. Of course he told me. People get the impression that my parents must have been pleased as punch with me while I was growing up. Not the case. I was a total red-headed brat. I mean, I didn't cause trouble...unless I was at home. I probably got more spankings than my sister and brother combined. However, he told me, like he'd told his boss earlier that week, that all that nonsense was fine because now, I was just a NICE girl. Very ironic as I struggled with my girls in our mission to not be critical of others. I hope I can live up to that sentiment...