I'm a kayak, hear me roar...

I like to think I'm independent. I pay bills myself. I cook meals myself. I do laundry myself. I grocery shop myself. I book trips myself. I travel by myself. I make decisions myself. I haven't lived with my family in over two years. I'm single, and I like to think I'm pretty good at it. I get frustrated when I need to rely on other people to do something for me. Lately, I've been feeling so independent that I feel comfortable going to the movies or eating out alone. Kind of a huge step for me. However, there are some things that still frighten me. 

One such thing is living by my lonesome. The thought is terrifying. It's silly when I think about it, because I practically live alone right now. The roomies are hardly ever home. But there are roomies. I can say goodbye to that in less than a month. Gma and I were talking and she said are you okay with that? Well, not really, but I'll just have to work on that. What is it about simply having a roommate that brings a sense of safety? Thankfully mi padre is going to come up to help move me into the new apartment. Maybe I'll feel a little more peace after getting his endorsement of the place. And once I get a microwave and a vacuum...

I've reached a point in my life where I'm happy with my single status. I can't quite remember the last time I went on a date. Besides, I don't feel like I have time to commit to a relationship. Someday those feelings will change, I'm sure. I hope the future holds someone who will tell me "I just like to see you happy", and that when that time comes I will be content with letting go of some of my more independent tendencies. 

My satisfaction with my life at this point comes in part from my family. I've had the chance to spend some quality time with everyone this summer. Even Dad. I think he likes to make me cry. Not in a bad way. We always get into discussions that bring out the emotional in me, though. I can count on him to always be totally honest with me, even though he can be a bit blunt at times. We were talking one night about character flaws, and I was curious as to what he thought mine was. Of course he told me. People get the impression that my parents must have been pleased as punch with me while I was growing up. Not the case. I was a total red-headed brat. I mean, I didn't cause trouble...unless I was at home. I probably got more spankings than my sister and brother combined. However, he told me, like he'd told his boss earlier that week, that all that nonsense was fine because now, I was just a NICE girl. Very ironic as I struggled with my girls in our mission to not be critical of others. I hope I can live up to that sentiment...