Oh tragedies...

Well, today was certainly an eye opener. It really prompted me to start evaluating things in my life more closely. It made me think more deeply about my testimony, about the things in my life that I am grateful for, and helped remind me not to take so many things for granted.

Today I found out that a dear, sweet family I grew up with in my home ward had lost their 13 year-old daughter/sister. And I cried. For quite some time. Obviously the news was shocking. I know I tend to be emotional, but I couldn't figure out why this had me bawling so. I mean, I've been in Albuquerque for 6 years, and the family moved to AZ several years ago. It's not like we kept in touch. Sister H was one of the sweetest ladies I'd ever met, though. And I'm Facebook friends with several of the kids, and it's obvious how close they all are. Like best friends close. I cannot even begin to imagine what they're going through.

My heart hurts that this is one of the trials they have to endure in this life. I'm sad that these sweet parents have to bury their little girl, instead of the other way around. I'm heartbroken that these siblings will have a void in their lives that one of their best friends used to fill. After talking with Sis B, she helped me realize that I was keeping one of my baptismal covenants in mourning with those that mourn. Rarely have I felt such intense sorrow in my life, and tonight I definitely gained a greater appreciation for the Atonement. I hope that I can find a way to bring some degree of comfort to them, as they certainly stand in need of comfort.

I'm glad, though, that they can find some sense of comfort in the knowledge of the gospel. They are sealed as an eternal family, and will be together again. I'm glad her grandparents were there to greet her when she left this life. And I know she will be an angel to those she left behind.

My prayers tonight will certainly be longer, and definitely more heartfelt...

Oh grrrr!

So, I guess I wasn't part of the cool kids club that got the memo. It's really too bad. Maybe I could have had so much more free stuff by now. Did you know that when someone accidentally leaves their window down a little bit, that's an invitation to reach in, unlock the doors, go through everything, and take what you like? Yeah, I didn't either. I do now. I mean really, what was I thinking leaving my window down? Could it have been fatigue from working a full day at the job that I have? The job that I got so I could be a contributing member of society and buy my own stuff with the money I made from WORKING! Instead of being a freeloader.

What a way to start a day, right? I walked out to my car, and it took me a long while to process. When I first opened the door, it looked like a tornado had blown through the car, and I was just confused. Then my heart started racing, and I was looking for the glass from the broken window. This was feeling all too familiar. I then noticed there was no glass. After which, I noticed the passenger door was unlocked. Then my eyes shifted upward, and I realized the window was down a bit. I'm not sure if anything was stolen. I think not. Luckily I had taken my iPod in a day or two before, because I wanted to update it with some sweet new jams. However, every compartment in my car had been opened, and the things inside ransacked. CDs all over the floor, sunglasses on the seat, insurance and all other papers strewn across the passenger seat, the pockets in the backs of the seats emptied.

Not that I'm complaining, but they weren't even good thieves! They made a mess of my car. They gave me tachycardia. They seemed to be pretty thorough in tossing things around. They missed the iPod sitting in the pocket of my white coat in the back seat, though! Idiots. Seriously. Although I appreciate that they didn't bust my window, I would have appreciated even more if they wouldn't have touched my car.

There are happy things in my life, too, though. I got to see one of my dearest friends Kate while she was in town. Things are always better when Kate and Pam are around, just ask Kevin. I safely made the drive to LC so I could come to my Little Man's birthday party tomorrow. 8 years old. Goodness. It seems like just yesterday... haha just kidding! But seriously... AND, I got to go with my sister for her ultrasound today! The conditions of me going were that I could not use the words fetus, freak, alien, embryo, or disgusting at all while I was there. Besides alien, I think I had used all those words the previous night, as well as calling it a parasite. Aaaanyways, guess who's going to welcome a baby nephew to the world in February? This girl! We (Krissy, Little Man, and I) are all stoked it's a boy! I'm sure we would have loved it if it was a girl. I'm just glad we don't need to test that theory. Oh, and tonight Little Man said an adorable prayer. I'm glad I have so many wonderful things to outweigh the frustrations...

Oh men...

Apparently camping trips are only successful when men plan them. When we went camping a few weeks ago, it was hilarious and all, but a bit of a disaster. From the whole driving until 4 in the morning bit, to the burnt hot dogs, to the two blankets for 6 people, to praying for daylight so we could pack up and go, to waking up to a couple Rangers, to a lake full of fishers, nothing went very smoothly. We were told it was because a man didn't plan the trip. Really? I thought it was because none of us are planners, so we didn't plan. Guess I was wrong. We decided to try it again, this time letting the "men" plan it. Which really meant letting the man-child plan it.

All the planning was up to him. From what weekend, to which people to invite, to what we needed to bring. First we were tentatively leaving after church. Then it was Saturday night. Then it was after church again. Then it was that night, so we wouldn't have to hang out in the hot desert. Six o'clock rolled around, and still no word on what the plan was. Typical. We ended up leaving around 8. We drove down to camp in the San Lorenzo canyon. We stopped in Lemitar for some snacks, and found out we had hopefully picked a good weekend. Word on the street is next week there is going to be a rager in the canyon, if anyone is interested... Instead of just going north on the frontage road (which seemed super logical to me), we went north on the highway, then south on the frontage road, and had to find the bridge (which was a little tricky).

All in all, it was a success. We got to the canyon, Joe made a sweet fire for us, and we set up our sleeping bags and blankets. Shout out to Ro for being awesome and sharing with me! There were a couple scary moments between the sneakered person/lemurish creature and the bats. There were a couple weirdo dreams due to one mosquito and a tender jaw. We brought lots of wood to make sure we had fun, but used hardly any of it. The night was beautiful, though. I got to mark one of the things off my summer to-do list (sadly, I didn't get much accomplished from said list). Where we were laying (lying? Idk. This is one of my super weak grammatical areas that I generally try to avoid) the rocks formed a window to see the stars through. I wish I could have captured it in a picture. I only got cold a couple times, and Ro was there to keep me warm.

I don't feel like a whole lot more planning went into this trip versus the other. I'm okay with letting the men plan things from now on, though...

Oh Amber...

Why, oh why is orientation so darn boring? Always. I've never known anyone that has experienced the exception to that statement. At least I got one of the comfy chairs, and not one of the hard metal ones. Still, it was hard sitting there for 5.5 hours. I mean, do we really need to spend over an hour talking about the ExtraCare Card? Granted, it is pretty awesome. But an hour and a half's worth of awesome? No.

When I woke up that morning, I knew I was meeting an Ed. I knew what store I was going to. I knew I had to be there at 9. That ended up being wrong. Luckily I got a text saying it was at 10. Other than that, I had no expectations for the day. When I got to the store, I saw a guy dressed up professionally, so I assumed that was Ed. I introduced myself. He asked where my packet was. Packet? Real cool. I definitely didn't have one of those. We did introductions with the whole group. I caught a few people's names, which I thought was a pretty huge accomplishment considering I am generally terrible with names. He prefaced statements with "Pam" a couple times when he was wanting to relay something about the pharmacy, because the rest of the people would be working in the front of the store.

"Amber, are you going to be working at the pharmacy down the street?" I guess I had been wrong about being the only pharmacist. I looked around to try to remember who Amber was. Then I realized he was talking to me. How did I become Amber? He probably thought I had totally zoned out of his boring presentation. To be fair, he had tried to be as entertaining as possible. In reality, I had been paying attention, and my name is not Amber. So much time had passed since he had asked me the question, though, that I just answered, rather than correcting him. So I was Amber for the rest of the day. He is one of those people that uses your name in almost every sentence. Like my dad. I wanted the day to be over so bad, just so he would quit calling me Amber. I'm not really sure why it was bothering me so much. I don't recall ever knowing an Amber that I disliked. I don't recall knowing an Amber at all. I got called the wrong name on a regular basis at work, especially when answering the phone. Slightly annoying, but I never got as heated as I was about being called Amber. Whatever.

Things are looking up. This month is going to be pretty legit, I think. I have a sneaking suspicion it is going to be filled with lots of memories, but that it's going to fly by. It will be full of training, nerves, my first 14 hour shift, Little Man's birthday, the State Fair, weekend road trip to Utah, moving, and getting my first pharmacist paycheck, just to name a few. Not in that order (especially the check part- I really need money!). I don't think there is much that could spoil my mood this month. Unless you call me Amber...

Oh concerts...

I love country music. I love concerts. I love Sugarland. For the past several months, I've been on a Sugarland kick. I am in love with their Incredible Machine album. Put the first three things together, and it's sure to be a great time. Subtract the sister and boyfriend who I got tickets with (actually, I only got tickets with the sister- and the boyfriend is the part of the equation I could do without), and add 7 friends. Basically, this is the perfect equation for a blast! Highlights from the night- For some strange reason, I love seeing fights. Lucky for me, two fights broke out pretty near where we were sitting! There was also this really tall guy with this really short lady. I'm pretty sure they were pretty intoxicated. He had some weird moves, though it was entertaining watching GV and Rosey copy him. It was also entertaining when some random girl asked to take a picture with Blake, because she was from out of town and needed a picture to help her remember Albuqueruqe. Or something like that. And shout out to my girl Christan Hatch, for the funny rap between acts. Thanks for being such a gentleman, Seth Webb, and sitting on the floor...both ways. Singing "Stay" with Caryn might have been the ultimate highlight of the night, though. Ugly faces and all.

As great as it was, there were several bittersweet moments. Last year when I went to Sugarland, it was for Kate's birthday. It was amazing. Probably the best show I saw last summer. Perhaps because it actually was the best show, or perhaps it was the company. Regardless, still the best. I miss her. Not only did the Sugarland concert make me think of her, but also the fact that Sara Bareilles opened for them. Kate loves that girl. With good reason. She is amazing, and super talented. She did her set acoustically, and she rocked it!

Both this year and last year, the tour was called The Incredible Machine. I was surprised that between acts, I didn't see the same set as last year going up (because it was super legit, and Rachel, I wish you had been there, because I think you would have especially loved it!). Actually, I didn't see a set going up at all. Then it clicked. Last Saturday in Indiana, just prior to Sugarland performing, the stage collapsed, killing 5 people and injuring others. Hence why Sara did her act acoustically. And the lack of Sugarland's set. I was super impressed with them, though. That they didn't cancel this show. That they had us all take a moment of silence. That they donated the proceeds from this concert to the family of one of the stage hands who was killed. That even without all the fancy lights and such, they still put on a great show. I heard the reason Sugarland wasn't on stage at the time of the collapse is because one of the members had suggested they pray first...

Oh bats...

Well, last night was a new experience for me. Lately I've been keeping pretty late hours, with not having to get up in the morning and go to work and all. I think I finally turned my lights out a little after 2. Usually for several hours after I've fallen asleep, I'm dead to the world. My phone can ring, vibrate, TV can be on, and I'm none the wiser. However, last night was different. Perhaps because when I first heard the shattering glass I thought someone was breaking into my apartment. I sat up, trying to adjust to the dark before moving around my apartment. And hoping I had just made that up, that maybe it had been part of a dream or something (did I mention I've been having really strange dreams lately? Some I remember, some not so much). Then I heard the cracking glass again. I started saying a little prayer that it wasn't my window, that someone wasn't actually breaking in. I got up and crept to my bedroom door, where I keep this little beaut.

Tresann got this for me when I moved into the apartment by myself. I obviously use it a lot, seeing how it still has the ribbon on it...

**Side story; skip if you wish** Perhaps you're wondering why I've never used this perfectly good bat before. To start off with, I'm not particularly athletic. I enjoy playing sports, but I'm by no means good at them. Softball, however, is a different story. I do not enjoy that sport one bit. The thought of playing actually puts me into a bit of a terror. This goes way back. My sister, who is 5 years older than me, played softball. I played t-ball. Go Pirates! haha Anyway, I just remember my sister being rushed into the house one day. She was bawling, and looked to be in terrible pain. What happened to her? Oh, she got hit by the ball today at practice. In the forehead. No big deal. WHAT?! Let's just say the next year, when I got into coach pitch, was my last year. That was my traumatizing event. It wasn't even MY trauma. I've since been to the batting cages once, and played with my nephew a few times in the backyard. I feel like that's progress enough for a while.

Back to last night. Bat in hand, I crept to the kitchen window, pleased to see it was still in one piece. I looked out the window, then decided that wasn't such a good idea. After all, I had heard someone's window get broken. I moved to the peephole in the door. There were two people (I had left my glasses on my bedside table...blast!) outside, yelling obscenities at each other. Actually, I think I only heard one yelling at the other. I also saw that my neighbors window had been broken. Sad day! The two figures drifted off towards the outside door, and I heard more glass breaking after what I thought I saw was one figure shoving the other. I crept back to my room, hoping I would be able to fall asleep fairly quickly. I put the bat back in its permanent spot by the bedroom door, then changed my mind and took it to bed with me. Silly, perhaps.

I woke up this morning to take the Dawsons to the airport (have fun in Denver!), and this is what I walked out my door to.

I saw the maintenance guy across the way near the outside door. There was a smashed screen, and a cone blocking the doorway. I walked that way, and it was like it had sprinkled blood last night. All over the sidewalk. The glass in the fire extinguisher box had been broken. And there was another broken window, though it was in the opposite direction from what I thought I had seen last night. He asked me if I knew what happened. All I knew was I woke up at 4 that morning thinking someone was breaking in, looked out the peephole to see two people fighting. They looked like people that lived in one of the apartments near me. But I don't know my neighbors well at all, so I'm not sure. So much blood! I saw this when I got back from the airport.

When I walked back inside, my landlords were taking some people around (maybe insurance people?). One of the strangers said, "I can't believe this." Welp, it's right in front of you. It definitely happened. The maintenance guy said they were drunk. Who knows? I'm just glad that I'll be moving in the next couple months. My neighbors seem to be getting more and more annoying, and sketch. Thank goodness I had that bat last night to help protect myself...

Oh changes...

Well, lots of changes are coming. Generally, like most people, I'm sure, I'm pretty resistant to change. It just doesn't sit well with me. I like having a status quo. Surprises tend to freak me out. Not that you can really tell most of the time, but I like having things in order.

But I've decided to embrace these changes. Now, that doesn't necessarily mean I'll always like them. But I'm going to try to look forward to them. And learn to appreciate the joy I'm sure they'll add to my life. I'm sure there will be an adjustment time, though.

For instance, it's going to be odd when nearly all my friends start school again later this month, while I (hopefully) start working. A full time job. Like an adult. However, there are so many things I'm not going to miss about going back to school. Quizzes. Homework. Boring professors. Stressing over exams. Taking out more loans. Scraping by on my measly part-time income. And there are so many things to look forward to. Making my wish-list for my first pharmacist paycheck. Looking for a new apartment (with two main requirements: an awesome kitchen, and a washer and dryer- or at least hookups for them). Having a savings account again. Being able to pay the gparents back for all the many checks they've written for me these last few years (including my car, which I still love!). Being able to afford going on many more trips (Chicago, MO, and Fort Worth are at the top of the list). Starting my 'Olympics in London with Gma' fund. Let's be honest. Who wouldn't want to embrace these changes?

There are other changes that are in the works now. My sister is pregnant. I'll get to be Auntie Pam to another amazing niece/nephew (we're all hoping it's a nephew; and by we I mean my sister, Alex, and myself. Does anyone else really matter?) in 2012. Along with new baby (which my sister keeps calling he; this is a really bad habit if it turns out to be a girl), my sister might move up to Albs. Which would be awesome for the sole reason that I would get to see my Little Man basically whenever I wanted! And the baby. Which would hopefully calm the baby fever that I am currently being plagued with. The downside of these changes is they involve another person. One I'm not particularly fond of. Who is now engaged to my sister. Like I said, I'm gonna try to embrace it, but I'm not always going to be a happy camper.

I'm sure the next few months, and next couple years, will bring many more changes. My only hope is I will remember to use them as opportunities to grow. No more staying stagnant for this girl. I feel like I've done enough of that these last few years.

Oh, did I mention I had a job interview today? Fingers crossed...