Sugar and Spice

So I'm pretty sure I keep saying this. but I really need to learn to be nicer. I'm not really much into New Year's resolutions, but I figure if the bestie has one about being more humble, I can at least attempt this. Oh, plus I've kinda been feeling like a huge fake. I went home about a week ago to visit Dad and the gparents, and my dad and I were heading to bed one night....go figure, right? Anyway, he's not one to skimp on the "I love yous"...he's a big believer in those...but he's not huge on other emotional stuff. So it really took my by surprise when he said, "I don't say this enough, but I'm proud of you. You're a good person." I don't want to disappoint him! So I've determined that I really need to be a good person. I guess that will mean longer prayers...like A LOT longer...so I can pray to love the people for whom I don't naturally have love for. Isn't it kinda weird how some peeps you can meet and find you would serve them if they needed anything...but others you struggle to even like, to even be in the same room with and resist rolling your eyes?? 

We wish because we need help...and we're scared. I heard that on a show, and I liked it. I'm not really a huge wisher...I mean, don't get me wrong, I am faithful to the 11:11. But it's more a tradition than I actually think it's gonna happen. Maybe because how I do it is a little sacrilegious. I always make the same wish, and now that I think about it, it is something I'm scared of...and probably need lots of help with!!! haha 

Lately I've been feeling like my little bro...I mean, I'm not confused about myself like that, but I'm going through a thing he went through. Not that I'm going to be calling anyone at midnight to ask if I'm a good friend, but I have been thinking about it. I guess it goes back to the whole good person/wishing thing. To the peeps I want to be, I like to think I'm a decent friend, at the very least. But I probably don't care enough about everyone like I should. And I wish I was better, and more friendly; I guess I'm scared to put myself out there. I don't really deal well with rejection, so I tend to avoid it at all costs. Which probably means I miss out on some really great things...

Too much time

So I've kinda been on a whirlwind of travels lately. I've seen enough airports and highways to last me for quite some time. I was gonna blog about my awesome trip, but decided it would be much too long! Anyway, the past couple days I've finally been able to slow down and not have anywhere to be, or anything to do. It was really nice at first. I was just enjoying watching a little Gilmore Girls (thanks to Gma for the series!), finally unpacking my room a bit, doing silly little errands like renewing my driver's license (the new pic sucks, but I just have problems asking them to retake it...), buying things for the new bed. It's technically not new, but for me it is. And I now have some of the most awesome sheets EVER! haha Bright and polka-dotted. But all this time has also made me realize I'm missing something in a big way...my bestie. Today was the first time I cried since she left. Probably because my roomies haven't been home so I've been more along than usual. Not that my amazing VT girls haven't been helpful. Last night was super awesome with the dinner and rave planning, reuniting with random people I went to high school with (actually, not people, just a person), and watching movies with hocho and popcorn. But it's not the same. It will get easier, I know that. I guess I just need some more time. Oh, the irony!

Shush girl! Shut your lips...

Today was a little bittersweet. It felt like a lot of goodbyes....then I realized I'm gonna choose to look at it a different way...as "see you laters!" So much better that way. But you know what? I'm starting to be okay with the upcoming changes. I might even go so far as to say that I like them. Not all of them, lets not get carried away here! But for the most part...

This week was so awesome. My dad was in town, so not only did I get to have dinner with him (Yay for steak! And eeeee for being late-again-to choir), but also got to have lunch with him (hopefully he still thinks I'm studious and not a super slacker, which I kinda am...but lets be real, we all knew I wasn't gonna study for finals this weekend). I really miss him. He told me he might put in for a job on the Cibola, but I should know better than to get my hopes up. It would be so nice to have the only normal person in my family closer, though. Oh, funny story, though. My dad came over to the house after lunch before he left town. Rob's bf was at the house, chillaxin in her room. Well, I guess on the way to dinner he told everyone I brought a guy (wink wink) home, and he heard noises. What an idiot!!!! haha But hilarious. 

This weekend was good for rebonding with the roomies, who I never see anymore. Sad day! But fabulous weekend. Dinner after the choir concert, a repeat movie (I am a little bit sad that I am now addicted, but there's no way around it. Finals better hurry up and get over!), then fiesta at the casa! Woot woot! And then awesome Christmas party (woo guac), and meteor shower (which is funny cause it was actually really cloudy last night, so we saw no meteors) for some Saturday entertainments. Life is good, my friends!

Carbon Monoxide, anyone?

So I guess I could have died...but thank goodness I didn't! So we thought we had a gas leak...but apparently it's only cause my roommate doesn't know how to turn the stove off; and no, it's not the first time it's happened. So I get a text that says DO NOT go home. Awesome. All I want is a nap. So PNM guy comes over, red tags the place up for heaters that blow flames, water heaters that give off carbon monoxide or some such thing, and turns the only source of heat in my room off with instructions to rearrange my room before it catches on fire. Cool. Well, the rearranging thing wasn't so bad...kinda fun, actually. One of the many changes in my life, but one of the few that I'm not having trouble dealing with. Oh, another good thing was I got to spend the afternoon with Lou...and have crepes...and watch Elf (even the end)!

So this year has been kinda rough... my Gma and I were talking and kinda decided we wouldn't be especially sad to say goodbye to 2008. But lately I haven't been able to stop asking myself "Why am I so lucky?" I seriously have the best friends a girl could ask for! I love how we can laugh about anything and everything when we are together. I heart how we drink bubbly...lots and lots of bubbly. I love how we have after-parties...with hocho and cookies. I love how we freak out new branch members when we do semi-Chinese-fire-drills...then realize we shouldn't have because the follower is now the leader. I love how we pretend some of us are amazingly awesome piano players...while some of us really are. I basically just love US! I almost put I love how we make fun of people, and come up with signs...but then I remembered I'm working on that whole inner beauty thing, and being nice. It's actually quite difficult. 

Oh my, it's finally starting to feel like Christmas!!! I am stoked, like a fire. I think it was in part due to the glitter fabbing and mistletoing, the fact that it is now December (pretty much the best month...EVER), and that it snowed yesterday! I kinda wish I had a tree, though....

Fantastic Four

I love when my friends and I are referred to as super heros! Although it does make me feel a little bad because I don't think I'm really someone to look up to. We had a lesson on Sunday about inner beauty, and I realized that I have A LOT of work to do. But Sunday wasn't all bad. It was actually really awesome! My bestie gave a talk (after finally getting there...it has to be a little scary when the first two speakers are late!) and I really needed to hear it. Although it was hilarious/embarrassing when she said, in the middle of her talk, "Stop looking at me!" because I was crying like a baby. The next talk also hit home in that I am so grateful for fasting and I really needed to hear some of the things that were said. And then we topped it all off with a little faith and gratitude for this gospel and all the awesomeness that it is- modern-day prophets, our amazing standards, etc. 

There is no better way to end a day than by glitter fabbing and mistletoing. I think it was the first step in a long process of realizing I'm gonna make it when the bestie leaves. This week has also made me realize that my sister and I have a common flaw....putting people first in our lives who don't do the same for us. Anyway, back to the Sunday funness. How can you go wrong with some ho cho and pumpkin bread, with a splash (or maybe a tidal wave) of great company??

So things that happened this week that I am grateful for:

People chillin in their Gs, makin for an awesome awkward story

Round Robin (2008, living with Katie/Rich, being an intern, kickball, cheese, finding comfort at church, music/memories/concerts)

Back seats

Phones and movies

Sonic, soccer, and capture the flag

Sleepovers

Food, family, friends, and fun (so cliche, right?)

Strength

A little normalcy in all the upside downness

My First

I freakin heart Thanksgiving. And it makes me feel a little bit guilty that I heart it more than Christmas. I am way stoked for this one. But a little sad at the same time. It's my first major holiday not with the fam. It was my choice, and one I don't really regret, but I can still be a lil bit sad, right? It's going to be awesome anyway! I'm spending it with a former roommate(s?), and the new addition to the family...the kitty cat! 

I love looking back at my week and seeing all the awkward moments I have. Awkwardness pretty much is my life! But it's really not so bad...it gives a girl lots of moments to laugh. And some good stories to share. Which makes me realize how awesome my life is right now. I think I need to remember that more often. I mean, really, what do I have to NOT be thankful for? Sure, I have a few struggles, but they're really just opportunities to strengthen relationships with all the important people in my life. 

I really wish I wasn't so afraid of certain relationships, though. I have a friend that has been especially nice to me lately, and I don't really know how to take it. I just don't do well with the awkward position of friend or more? I can't help it...flattery makes me weary. But enough of that. 

Time for friends, food, and fun! Happy Thanksgiving!! 

Wading in the Baby Pool or Jumping Off the Deep End

Wow! That's all I can say. haha Just kidding, I'm a talker! I haven't been this unbelievably happy in a long while. It feels great. As my dad would say, I'm getting out of "my funk". The past couple months have been a little rough, with some spontaneous cries at really awkward times, some ignoring/avoiding people I love so I could make it through my own struggles. Fortunately, I have some of the bestest friends ever...my VT girls. It's so nice knowing they've got my back. I hope they know I'm always there for them, too!

Last week was so weird. I started it by heading back to good ol' LC for a little birthday present concert for Sister...she better love me! haha It was awesome, and I cried on her shoulder while she laughed at me. Good times. Oh, another great part was when I picked up my little man from school. He was playing with his friends and I walked over unnoticed and said "Hi Little Man" and he looked up super surprised and almost hyperventilated! haha 

I voted in my first presidential election...with my little brother. Yeah, he turned 18 and it made me feel really old (which I'm NOT!), and I totally forgot that we would be voting together. It was crazy, and insignificant as it seems, I think it will be one of those fun memories we randomly text to each other. 

And this weekend was absolutely amazing! I watched a movie with a friend, and when I told another friend that he automatically assumed it was a guy, which made me laugh. Saturday I got a little down time, which is probably what I needed. And Sunday I was reminded that I'm a big fat liar, and that I need some values...I guess that's why the EQP made sure to find a New Era for me. But then I got to have a nice long chat with my little friend who is slowly dropping off the planet. And I guess Monday isn't actually part of the weekend, but it was crazy! I'm not quite sure what the F stands for anymore...