Shush girl! Shut your lips...

Today was a little bittersweet. It felt like a lot of goodbyes....then I realized I'm gonna choose to look at it a different way...as "see you laters!" So much better that way. But you know what? I'm starting to be okay with the upcoming changes. I might even go so far as to say that I like them. Not all of them, lets not get carried away here! But for the most part...

This week was so awesome. My dad was in town, so not only did I get to have dinner with him (Yay for steak! And eeeee for being late-again-to choir), but also got to have lunch with him (hopefully he still thinks I'm studious and not a super slacker, which I kinda am...but lets be real, we all knew I wasn't gonna study for finals this weekend). I really miss him. He told me he might put in for a job on the Cibola, but I should know better than to get my hopes up. It would be so nice to have the only normal person in my family closer, though. Oh, funny story, though. My dad came over to the house after lunch before he left town. Rob's bf was at the house, chillaxin in her room. Well, I guess on the way to dinner he told everyone I brought a guy (wink wink) home, and he heard noises. What an idiot!!!! haha But hilarious. 

This weekend was good for rebonding with the roomies, who I never see anymore. Sad day! But fabulous weekend. Dinner after the choir concert, a repeat movie (I am a little bit sad that I am now addicted, but there's no way around it. Finals better hurry up and get over!), then fiesta at the casa! Woot woot! And then awesome Christmas party (woo guac), and meteor shower (which is funny cause it was actually really cloudy last night, so we saw no meteors) for some Saturday entertainments. Life is good, my friends!

Carbon Monoxide, anyone?

So I guess I could have died...but thank goodness I didn't! So we thought we had a gas leak...but apparently it's only cause my roommate doesn't know how to turn the stove off; and no, it's not the first time it's happened. So I get a text that says DO NOT go home. Awesome. All I want is a nap. So PNM guy comes over, red tags the place up for heaters that blow flames, water heaters that give off carbon monoxide or some such thing, and turns the only source of heat in my room off with instructions to rearrange my room before it catches on fire. Cool. Well, the rearranging thing wasn't so bad...kinda fun, actually. One of the many changes in my life, but one of the few that I'm not having trouble dealing with. Oh, another good thing was I got to spend the afternoon with Lou...and have crepes...and watch Elf (even the end)!

So this year has been kinda rough... my Gma and I were talking and kinda decided we wouldn't be especially sad to say goodbye to 2008. But lately I haven't been able to stop asking myself "Why am I so lucky?" I seriously have the best friends a girl could ask for! I love how we can laugh about anything and everything when we are together. I heart how we drink bubbly...lots and lots of bubbly. I love how we have after-parties...with hocho and cookies. I love how we freak out new branch members when we do semi-Chinese-fire-drills...then realize we shouldn't have because the follower is now the leader. I love how we pretend some of us are amazingly awesome piano players...while some of us really are. I basically just love US! I almost put I love how we make fun of people, and come up with signs...but then I remembered I'm working on that whole inner beauty thing, and being nice. It's actually quite difficult. 

Oh my, it's finally starting to feel like Christmas!!! I am stoked, like a fire. I think it was in part due to the glitter fabbing and mistletoing, the fact that it is now December (pretty much the best month...EVER), and that it snowed yesterday! I kinda wish I had a tree, though....

Fantastic Four

I love when my friends and I are referred to as super heros! Although it does make me feel a little bad because I don't think I'm really someone to look up to. We had a lesson on Sunday about inner beauty, and I realized that I have A LOT of work to do. But Sunday wasn't all bad. It was actually really awesome! My bestie gave a talk (after finally getting there...it has to be a little scary when the first two speakers are late!) and I really needed to hear it. Although it was hilarious/embarrassing when she said, in the middle of her talk, "Stop looking at me!" because I was crying like a baby. The next talk also hit home in that I am so grateful for fasting and I really needed to hear some of the things that were said. And then we topped it all off with a little faith and gratitude for this gospel and all the awesomeness that it is- modern-day prophets, our amazing standards, etc. 

There is no better way to end a day than by glitter fabbing and mistletoing. I think it was the first step in a long process of realizing I'm gonna make it when the bestie leaves. This week has also made me realize that my sister and I have a common flaw....putting people first in our lives who don't do the same for us. Anyway, back to the Sunday funness. How can you go wrong with some ho cho and pumpkin bread, with a splash (or maybe a tidal wave) of great company??

So things that happened this week that I am grateful for:

People chillin in their Gs, makin for an awesome awkward story

Round Robin (2008, living with Katie/Rich, being an intern, kickball, cheese, finding comfort at church, music/memories/concerts)

Back seats

Phones and movies

Sonic, soccer, and capture the flag

Sleepovers

Food, family, friends, and fun (so cliche, right?)

Strength

A little normalcy in all the upside downness

My First

I freakin heart Thanksgiving. And it makes me feel a little bit guilty that I heart it more than Christmas. I am way stoked for this one. But a little sad at the same time. It's my first major holiday not with the fam. It was my choice, and one I don't really regret, but I can still be a lil bit sad, right? It's going to be awesome anyway! I'm spending it with a former roommate(s?), and the new addition to the family...the kitty cat! 

I love looking back at my week and seeing all the awkward moments I have. Awkwardness pretty much is my life! But it's really not so bad...it gives a girl lots of moments to laugh. And some good stories to share. Which makes me realize how awesome my life is right now. I think I need to remember that more often. I mean, really, what do I have to NOT be thankful for? Sure, I have a few struggles, but they're really just opportunities to strengthen relationships with all the important people in my life. 

I really wish I wasn't so afraid of certain relationships, though. I have a friend that has been especially nice to me lately, and I don't really know how to take it. I just don't do well with the awkward position of friend or more? I can't help it...flattery makes me weary. But enough of that. 

Time for friends, food, and fun! Happy Thanksgiving!! 

Wading in the Baby Pool or Jumping Off the Deep End

Wow! That's all I can say. haha Just kidding, I'm a talker! I haven't been this unbelievably happy in a long while. It feels great. As my dad would say, I'm getting out of "my funk". The past couple months have been a little rough, with some spontaneous cries at really awkward times, some ignoring/avoiding people I love so I could make it through my own struggles. Fortunately, I have some of the bestest friends ever...my VT girls. It's so nice knowing they've got my back. I hope they know I'm always there for them, too!

Last week was so weird. I started it by heading back to good ol' LC for a little birthday present concert for Sister...she better love me! haha It was awesome, and I cried on her shoulder while she laughed at me. Good times. Oh, another great part was when I picked up my little man from school. He was playing with his friends and I walked over unnoticed and said "Hi Little Man" and he looked up super surprised and almost hyperventilated! haha 

I voted in my first presidential election...with my little brother. Yeah, he turned 18 and it made me feel really old (which I'm NOT!), and I totally forgot that we would be voting together. It was crazy, and insignificant as it seems, I think it will be one of those fun memories we randomly text to each other. 

And this weekend was absolutely amazing! I watched a movie with a friend, and when I told another friend that he automatically assumed it was a guy, which made me laugh. Saturday I got a little down time, which is probably what I needed. And Sunday I was reminded that I'm a big fat liar, and that I need some values...I guess that's why the EQP made sure to find a New Era for me. But then I got to have a nice long chat with my little friend who is slowly dropping off the planet. And I guess Monday isn't actually part of the weekend, but it was crazy! I'm not quite sure what the F stands for anymore...

Cookies and football....and LOTS of driving

It's nice to find out that I suck at blogging as much as writing in my journal. I'll work on that.

I am so glad for fall break. Even though I complain about it because that means we only have two days for Thanksgiving versus a week. I'll work on the complaining thing, too. Life has been stressful. I hope it's teaching me things, though. Like patience, and dependence, and how much I love my faith/church/scriptures, and how awesomely amazing my friends are. Kudos to you, friends! I read a couple books over break, for several reasons. 1. I love reading. 2. I needed to read some books that were very juvenile, ones that would be found in the youth section at the bookstore. 3. They came highly recommended by a friend. I realized that I definitely could relate to the character when she said her life was a "facsimile of a sham". I'll work on that, too. 

Anyway, back to break. These are the things I'm choosing to remember from it...the rest I'm blocking out of my memory. I saw my Little Man...he can put a smile on me anytime of the day! He has a new obsession with Bop-It (remember that game?)...but he sucks so I have to "help" him play. He also can fall asleep on the bumpiest of dirt roads...like the one my Dad took us on...the one we drove on ALL day, no exaggeration. I like not being attached to my phone...so much that I almost let it die, on purpose! I made my dad chocolate chip cookies, like I do every time I visit him. Yeah, he actually called me a couple weeks ago and said it was time for me to visit cause he needed more cookies. That man seriously has some self control...a batch can last him 2+ weeks! The cookies were bomb...all fluffy and soft and not deflated and sad looking. And we watched football all day today...that is, after we woke up. Sleeping in is awesome. Watching football with the pop is, too! Especially when Dallas gets their butt kicked (too bad my Cowboys loving friend doesn't read this). 

But I did feel a little but guilty. Last week my friend called me a church ditcher cause he didn't see me even though I was definitely there. And I got REALLY defensive. But it's true. I'm a church ditcher. Just like my boyfriend, who saw how we all ditched Sunday School so he decided to become inactive. And my husband, who is moving without even telling me goodbye. I'm a church ditcher who eats cookies and watches football instead of getting some blessings and spiritual nourishment. And my list of things to work on grows...

Molly Mormon. With an edge...

Here I am waiting to study for another test. Not really. After I write this I'll be hitting the hay...then waking up semi-early to study for my test. I'm really starting to like this blog thing. It makes me think a lot more about my life, and realize the things I need to change, or the things that I like just perfectly...or maybe not so perfectly. I feel as if I've been on a constant "go" the past couple weeks. I think it's good, but sometimes I wonder. I decided this year to be more active in the organizations at school, and in the fraternity I joined last year (that's right...I'm a Brother!)...and add that to my pretty active church life (I like to think)=kinda busy! BUT I still make time for fun. Last weekend I went down to LC for my Little Man's birthday (he's five...just ask and he will definitely let you know!). It was a blast. He is so fun, and for some reason he likes me. I like to think it's cause I'm the fun aunt...we even have a cool little hug that he loves and is just ours. And being the cool Auntie Pam gives me special rights that include picking on him and teaching him things that are not quite inappropriate but that my sister would never teach him. I also got the awesome privilege of going to my little bro's Patriarchal blessing (on the way I taught him it's definitely NOT patriatical blessing).  Well, despite all the fun I was freaking out a little cause I had this HUGE test Monday morning...and I definitely wasn't studying for it! haha But no worries, I still managed to avoid it on Sunday. Monday starts at 12:01 AM, right? Somehow I did really well on the exam, after driving back Monday morning trying not to fall asleep and kill myself!

This week I had a dilemma that I would never wish on anyone...what to do about a call that for me was only a pity date. I talked to lots of people about it and though I'm still pretty sure I'm not a fan of them, I did it. Maybe it was a mistake, but I  have issues with hurting people's feelings! I'm still not sure how the follow-up and gentle let down is gonna go. Eeeeeee!!!!! But I did get to see my best friend from LC...we had a lunch date...where I was the third wheel. Wow, two dates in one day! Oh, and a recurring theme of Pam being the third wheel! haha 

Earlier this week my bestie and I were kinda spilling our guts to each other, after a super van time. Part of my spillage was my somewhat irrational yet growing fear of relationships. I have really good examples, you see. Both parents divorced a couple times, a sister working on one, and grandparents who remain married simply for the convenience factor. That's when bestie told me I was stronger than all of them...in the gospel. And that I would have different circumstances and wouldn't settle. IDK was my reply. To which she said, it's true. You're totally Molly Mormon. With an edge. It sounds a little silly, but I really needed to hear that. Hopefully when she leaves me for the east she will find another me (who totally won't be as cool)...but whoever you are, just remember she told me she's no longer taking applications for a best friend! 

Sometimes I feel a little depressed, but when I really think about it, my life is good. Perhaps not great, but definitely a step above OK. I have direction in my life, am surrounded by peeps who love me, and I sometimes even know who I am. That's probably the best part, figuring that out. Let's just remember I didn't say easiest...