Well, hell...

That pretty accurately describes my week last week. I am not sorry to say goodbye to that horrid week, and welcome a new one. I was feeling a little moody, because I started watching this horse show. And it finally hit me that my gparents were selling all the horses. The horses that had been there in that pasture my whole life. Why had I not taken the time to appreciate them more? Then work got to me. I mean, I regularly have feelings of inadequacy when I'm at work. Last week made me feel incompetent, though, and filled me with doubt. It was awful, and I got really worked up about it. Then, to top it all off, my sister texted me "FYI, John and I are getting married tomorrow". Seriously?! FYI?! Really cool. I worked 10 days straight, and definitely had a meltdown at the end.

Good thing I had already decided I was going to use my long weekend to head home for some R&R. I slept on it, but decided I would head down for my sister's wedding. I called my dad and invited him. It ended up working really well, because my gparents were able to go, and my little brother, and my dad. I also got to see my Uncle Ernie this weekend. He is quite the jokester. He also made me feel better about how connected I am to technology. He was constantly on his phone, or laptop, or iPad. I, on the other hand, accidentally forgot my charger. Which was a good excuse to be less available to the world.

I got to watch my Little Man at his football game. He is so stinkin' cute! I was afraid he was getting to the age where he wouldn't want to sit with me. Where he wouldn't want to hold my hand. Where he wouldn't want to spend time with me. Fortunately for my ego, he proved my fears to be nothing. We watched the LSU v. Bama game, and Alex decided he thought Bama was better, and that's who he was going to root for. It was cute. After his game, he asked me if I could help him with a "teeny problem" he had with number 17. We ran some plays, and he said I was actually doing really good. haha Thanks, LM. Then he told me he could tell me about the different positions if I wanted. I, of course, took him up on that offer.

I asked Gpa to fix this cedar chest someone had given me. He decided he wanted to just build a new one. "It's going to be really heavy", he said to me. Of course it is, Gpa. Everything you make is heavy! We went to Home Depot to but some hinges for it, and return something else. While waiting for slower-than-molasses lady to process our return, some guy behind us dropped his huge thing of wood on my achilles tendon. It hurt like hell! But, I am pleased to report, I did not curse. Instead, I cried. The lady, of course, was slow to ask if I needed anything. You better hope she's not the only one around if you ever need something urgent! Then some other HD guy came to ask me what happened. Yeah, no worries. I'm not going to sue anyone. I just want to hobble home and get some ice on my ankle. Also, Gpa gave my saddle, saddlebags, chaps, and a few other things to me. I realized I could send them with my dad, who still has horses. I made a decision to make more time to go down and visit my dad and go for some rides. At this point in my life, I can make the things I enjoy more of a priority.

I saw Leah Kate and all her boys. The two little ones were sick, but still bouncing around. The husband popped home for lunch, making sure Leah caught me up on all the important stories. They are such a cute little family!

This week seems to be going a little smoother, and I'm in quite a different mood. Yesterday I almost threw up. but I'm feeling much better! I'm thinking it might have had something to do with giving blood on Mon. night, but I'm not sure. I didn't have to work much yesterday, so I got to relax most of the day. This morning I had to open, but I managed to leave the house early enough to stop for a cup of the toasted marshmallow ho cho from Satellite. I highly recommend it! I also found out yesterday that for the past year I have not had any insurance, despite thinking I had. Good thing I had asked my dad to check into something for me. Or we might have never known! I'm taking this as an opportunity to be super grateful that nothing tragic has happened to me this year.

Thank goodness that horrible, no good, very bad week is over...

Oh Gma...

Gma Birthday Weekend was a success! It was so fun to spend some quality time with her. One on one. We don't get much of that anymore, what with Gpa being retired and me trying to spend as much time with my Little Man as I can when I go down to visit LC.

I love updating her on things in my life, and hearing her insights. I love hearing her stories about the fam down in LC, even though she tends to repeat them a couple times. I love learning more about this amazing woman that I look up to so much.

Our weekend was full of food, movies, long chats, fight night as we supported my non-mute friend, naps, shopping. She surprised me a couple times. One, by agreeing to go watch an MMA fight. Two, be agreeing to go to church with me. My gparents were baptized when my mom was in young women's. I will definitely need to ask Gma more about it- her conversion, how long they were active, why they decided to quit going. I merely suggested she was welcome to come with me to Church, and she did! We only stayed for sacrament and Sunday school, but she told me as we were leaving she had taught RS for 2 years! Amazing. I had no clue. I never even knew they had been active that long. Apparently she also taught a Primary class for a year before she "resigned", as she called it.

I love this lady for all she has done for me, for my family. I love her for her compassion. I love her for her wisdom. I love her for her intelligence. I love her for her talents- she can cook, she can clean, she can sew, she can bake, she can do my taxes, she can whistle, she can paint. I love her for her pecan pies. I love her for not only morally supporting me, but also financially- my trips to the capitol, then Europe, helping get me through 6 years of college, and helping with some sweet wheels. I love her for her beautiful, piercing blue eyes. I love her for her service. I love her for the experiences and tips that she shares with me. I love her for her laugh. I love her for her hugs. And I love her for so many other reasons.

I aspire to be like her. I hope I can inspire people around me like she has inspired me. I hope I can be as solid as she is. I hope I can be as special to my family as she is to me and mine. I hope I don't disappoint her, and that I become as great a person as she thinks I am.

I hope she enjoyed her birthday weekend as much as I did...

Oh bother...

Today is one of those days. One of those days where someone has made a comment that really put me in a sour mood. An I can't stop thinking about said comment bad humor. I keep asking myself why I let it bother me. Still haven't found the answer to that one. Hopefully I can use those talks we had on forgiveness today and apply them to this situation. I am most definitely not a fan of the feeling I have when my blood is boiling...

Oh moving...

I've done it! Now that I have my big girl job, with my big girl income, I decided I needed a change of scenery. This move was a lot more organized than my last. Well, probably not just my last. I'd say all of them since I moved to college freshman year. That one was only organized because Gma pretty much packed for me. I think she was excited to see me go.

Any of my close friends know that I am not a packer. For trips, I'm lucky if I start packing an hour before I leave for the airport or jump in the car for a road trip. For moves, I just dump things in the car and make a million trips. That means I never have time to go through all my junk and get rid of things I don't need anymore. I decided this move should be different. I planned ahead. Packed boxes. My rule was that if I hadn't used something in the two years I'd been in this apartment, it needed to go. Needless to say, I took a couple loads of things to Goodwill. I shredded lots of documents, and threw lots of other papers into my recycle box. It was hard for me, but at the same time, it was refreshing. Even with all the sorting, it took longer to get moved than I thought it would. Seriously, how does one gal have so much stuff?

I'm finally getting settled in, though. Today I finally hung things up on the walls in my bedroom. I think that's the saddest part about moving- having bare walls. This apartment has way more wall space than the old place did, so I need to buy more picture frames and hang more pictures!

Bed, Bath & Beyond has become my latest obsession. Seriously, I need to take a break from that relationship. It's not healthy for my pocketbook. I love all the things I've gotten there, though! I also them because they accept expired coupons. I mean, really, how cool is that?!

My friend asked me the other day what my fav part of the new place is. I didn't think about it that hard, but the first thing that came to mind is that it gets sunshine! It's not a little cave like my old place. I called my dad and was telling him that I have sun again, and he said, "Oh, does that mean I need to bring you a plant?" Yes, please!

I am in no way regretting this move. There are a few things that are a little inconvenient, but on the whole, I love it! Yay for sun. Yay for being closer to work. Yay for having a spare room. Yay for my own washer and dryer. Yay for a kitchen that I can actually cook in. Yay for a balcony. Yay for a dining room. Yay for colored walls. I guess changes aren't always such a bad thing...

Oh tragedies...

Well, today was certainly an eye opener. It really prompted me to start evaluating things in my life more closely. It made me think more deeply about my testimony, about the things in my life that I am grateful for, and helped remind me not to take so many things for granted.

Today I found out that a dear, sweet family I grew up with in my home ward had lost their 13 year-old daughter/sister. And I cried. For quite some time. Obviously the news was shocking. I know I tend to be emotional, but I couldn't figure out why this had me bawling so. I mean, I've been in Albuquerque for 6 years, and the family moved to AZ several years ago. It's not like we kept in touch. Sister H was one of the sweetest ladies I'd ever met, though. And I'm Facebook friends with several of the kids, and it's obvious how close they all are. Like best friends close. I cannot even begin to imagine what they're going through.

My heart hurts that this is one of the trials they have to endure in this life. I'm sad that these sweet parents have to bury their little girl, instead of the other way around. I'm heartbroken that these siblings will have a void in their lives that one of their best friends used to fill. After talking with Sis B, she helped me realize that I was keeping one of my baptismal covenants in mourning with those that mourn. Rarely have I felt such intense sorrow in my life, and tonight I definitely gained a greater appreciation for the Atonement. I hope that I can find a way to bring some degree of comfort to them, as they certainly stand in need of comfort.

I'm glad, though, that they can find some sense of comfort in the knowledge of the gospel. They are sealed as an eternal family, and will be together again. I'm glad her grandparents were there to greet her when she left this life. And I know she will be an angel to those she left behind.

My prayers tonight will certainly be longer, and definitely more heartfelt...

Oh grrrr!

So, I guess I wasn't part of the cool kids club that got the memo. It's really too bad. Maybe I could have had so much more free stuff by now. Did you know that when someone accidentally leaves their window down a little bit, that's an invitation to reach in, unlock the doors, go through everything, and take what you like? Yeah, I didn't either. I do now. I mean really, what was I thinking leaving my window down? Could it have been fatigue from working a full day at the job that I have? The job that I got so I could be a contributing member of society and buy my own stuff with the money I made from WORKING! Instead of being a freeloader.

What a way to start a day, right? I walked out to my car, and it took me a long while to process. When I first opened the door, it looked like a tornado had blown through the car, and I was just confused. Then my heart started racing, and I was looking for the glass from the broken window. This was feeling all too familiar. I then noticed there was no glass. After which, I noticed the passenger door was unlocked. Then my eyes shifted upward, and I realized the window was down a bit. I'm not sure if anything was stolen. I think not. Luckily I had taken my iPod in a day or two before, because I wanted to update it with some sweet new jams. However, every compartment in my car had been opened, and the things inside ransacked. CDs all over the floor, sunglasses on the seat, insurance and all other papers strewn across the passenger seat, the pockets in the backs of the seats emptied.

Not that I'm complaining, but they weren't even good thieves! They made a mess of my car. They gave me tachycardia. They seemed to be pretty thorough in tossing things around. They missed the iPod sitting in the pocket of my white coat in the back seat, though! Idiots. Seriously. Although I appreciate that they didn't bust my window, I would have appreciated even more if they wouldn't have touched my car.

There are happy things in my life, too, though. I got to see one of my dearest friends Kate while she was in town. Things are always better when Kate and Pam are around, just ask Kevin. I safely made the drive to LC so I could come to my Little Man's birthday party tomorrow. 8 years old. Goodness. It seems like just yesterday... haha just kidding! But seriously... AND, I got to go with my sister for her ultrasound today! The conditions of me going were that I could not use the words fetus, freak, alien, embryo, or disgusting at all while I was there. Besides alien, I think I had used all those words the previous night, as well as calling it a parasite. Aaaanyways, guess who's going to welcome a baby nephew to the world in February? This girl! We (Krissy, Little Man, and I) are all stoked it's a boy! I'm sure we would have loved it if it was a girl. I'm just glad we don't need to test that theory. Oh, and tonight Little Man said an adorable prayer. I'm glad I have so many wonderful things to outweigh the frustrations...

Oh men...

Apparently camping trips are only successful when men plan them. When we went camping a few weeks ago, it was hilarious and all, but a bit of a disaster. From the whole driving until 4 in the morning bit, to the burnt hot dogs, to the two blankets for 6 people, to praying for daylight so we could pack up and go, to waking up to a couple Rangers, to a lake full of fishers, nothing went very smoothly. We were told it was because a man didn't plan the trip. Really? I thought it was because none of us are planners, so we didn't plan. Guess I was wrong. We decided to try it again, this time letting the "men" plan it. Which really meant letting the man-child plan it.

All the planning was up to him. From what weekend, to which people to invite, to what we needed to bring. First we were tentatively leaving after church. Then it was Saturday night. Then it was after church again. Then it was that night, so we wouldn't have to hang out in the hot desert. Six o'clock rolled around, and still no word on what the plan was. Typical. We ended up leaving around 8. We drove down to camp in the San Lorenzo canyon. We stopped in Lemitar for some snacks, and found out we had hopefully picked a good weekend. Word on the street is next week there is going to be a rager in the canyon, if anyone is interested... Instead of just going north on the frontage road (which seemed super logical to me), we went north on the highway, then south on the frontage road, and had to find the bridge (which was a little tricky).

All in all, it was a success. We got to the canyon, Joe made a sweet fire for us, and we set up our sleeping bags and blankets. Shout out to Ro for being awesome and sharing with me! There were a couple scary moments between the sneakered person/lemurish creature and the bats. There were a couple weirdo dreams due to one mosquito and a tender jaw. We brought lots of wood to make sure we had fun, but used hardly any of it. The night was beautiful, though. I got to mark one of the things off my summer to-do list (sadly, I didn't get much accomplished from said list). Where we were laying (lying? Idk. This is one of my super weak grammatical areas that I generally try to avoid) the rocks formed a window to see the stars through. I wish I could have captured it in a picture. I only got cold a couple times, and Ro was there to keep me warm.

I don't feel like a whole lot more planning went into this trip versus the other. I'm okay with letting the men plan things from now on, though...

Oh Amber...

Why, oh why is orientation so darn boring? Always. I've never known anyone that has experienced the exception to that statement. At least I got one of the comfy chairs, and not one of the hard metal ones. Still, it was hard sitting there for 5.5 hours. I mean, do we really need to spend over an hour talking about the ExtraCare Card? Granted, it is pretty awesome. But an hour and a half's worth of awesome? No.

When I woke up that morning, I knew I was meeting an Ed. I knew what store I was going to. I knew I had to be there at 9. That ended up being wrong. Luckily I got a text saying it was at 10. Other than that, I had no expectations for the day. When I got to the store, I saw a guy dressed up professionally, so I assumed that was Ed. I introduced myself. He asked where my packet was. Packet? Real cool. I definitely didn't have one of those. We did introductions with the whole group. I caught a few people's names, which I thought was a pretty huge accomplishment considering I am generally terrible with names. He prefaced statements with "Pam" a couple times when he was wanting to relay something about the pharmacy, because the rest of the people would be working in the front of the store.

"Amber, are you going to be working at the pharmacy down the street?" I guess I had been wrong about being the only pharmacist. I looked around to try to remember who Amber was. Then I realized he was talking to me. How did I become Amber? He probably thought I had totally zoned out of his boring presentation. To be fair, he had tried to be as entertaining as possible. In reality, I had been paying attention, and my name is not Amber. So much time had passed since he had asked me the question, though, that I just answered, rather than correcting him. So I was Amber for the rest of the day. He is one of those people that uses your name in almost every sentence. Like my dad. I wanted the day to be over so bad, just so he would quit calling me Amber. I'm not really sure why it was bothering me so much. I don't recall ever knowing an Amber that I disliked. I don't recall knowing an Amber at all. I got called the wrong name on a regular basis at work, especially when answering the phone. Slightly annoying, but I never got as heated as I was about being called Amber. Whatever.

Things are looking up. This month is going to be pretty legit, I think. I have a sneaking suspicion it is going to be filled with lots of memories, but that it's going to fly by. It will be full of training, nerves, my first 14 hour shift, Little Man's birthday, the State Fair, weekend road trip to Utah, moving, and getting my first pharmacist paycheck, just to name a few. Not in that order (especially the check part- I really need money!). I don't think there is much that could spoil my mood this month. Unless you call me Amber...

Oh concerts...

I love country music. I love concerts. I love Sugarland. For the past several months, I've been on a Sugarland kick. I am in love with their Incredible Machine album. Put the first three things together, and it's sure to be a great time. Subtract the sister and boyfriend who I got tickets with (actually, I only got tickets with the sister- and the boyfriend is the part of the equation I could do without), and add 7 friends. Basically, this is the perfect equation for a blast! Highlights from the night- For some strange reason, I love seeing fights. Lucky for me, two fights broke out pretty near where we were sitting! There was also this really tall guy with this really short lady. I'm pretty sure they were pretty intoxicated. He had some weird moves, though it was entertaining watching GV and Rosey copy him. It was also entertaining when some random girl asked to take a picture with Blake, because she was from out of town and needed a picture to help her remember Albuqueruqe. Or something like that. And shout out to my girl Christan Hatch, for the funny rap between acts. Thanks for being such a gentleman, Seth Webb, and sitting on the floor...both ways. Singing "Stay" with Caryn might have been the ultimate highlight of the night, though. Ugly faces and all.

As great as it was, there were several bittersweet moments. Last year when I went to Sugarland, it was for Kate's birthday. It was amazing. Probably the best show I saw last summer. Perhaps because it actually was the best show, or perhaps it was the company. Regardless, still the best. I miss her. Not only did the Sugarland concert make me think of her, but also the fact that Sara Bareilles opened for them. Kate loves that girl. With good reason. She is amazing, and super talented. She did her set acoustically, and she rocked it!

Both this year and last year, the tour was called The Incredible Machine. I was surprised that between acts, I didn't see the same set as last year going up (because it was super legit, and Rachel, I wish you had been there, because I think you would have especially loved it!). Actually, I didn't see a set going up at all. Then it clicked. Last Saturday in Indiana, just prior to Sugarland performing, the stage collapsed, killing 5 people and injuring others. Hence why Sara did her act acoustically. And the lack of Sugarland's set. I was super impressed with them, though. That they didn't cancel this show. That they had us all take a moment of silence. That they donated the proceeds from this concert to the family of one of the stage hands who was killed. That even without all the fancy lights and such, they still put on a great show. I heard the reason Sugarland wasn't on stage at the time of the collapse is because one of the members had suggested they pray first...

Oh bats...

Well, last night was a new experience for me. Lately I've been keeping pretty late hours, with not having to get up in the morning and go to work and all. I think I finally turned my lights out a little after 2. Usually for several hours after I've fallen asleep, I'm dead to the world. My phone can ring, vibrate, TV can be on, and I'm none the wiser. However, last night was different. Perhaps because when I first heard the shattering glass I thought someone was breaking into my apartment. I sat up, trying to adjust to the dark before moving around my apartment. And hoping I had just made that up, that maybe it had been part of a dream or something (did I mention I've been having really strange dreams lately? Some I remember, some not so much). Then I heard the cracking glass again. I started saying a little prayer that it wasn't my window, that someone wasn't actually breaking in. I got up and crept to my bedroom door, where I keep this little beaut.

Tresann got this for me when I moved into the apartment by myself. I obviously use it a lot, seeing how it still has the ribbon on it...

**Side story; skip if you wish** Perhaps you're wondering why I've never used this perfectly good bat before. To start off with, I'm not particularly athletic. I enjoy playing sports, but I'm by no means good at them. Softball, however, is a different story. I do not enjoy that sport one bit. The thought of playing actually puts me into a bit of a terror. This goes way back. My sister, who is 5 years older than me, played softball. I played t-ball. Go Pirates! haha Anyway, I just remember my sister being rushed into the house one day. She was bawling, and looked to be in terrible pain. What happened to her? Oh, she got hit by the ball today at practice. In the forehead. No big deal. WHAT?! Let's just say the next year, when I got into coach pitch, was my last year. That was my traumatizing event. It wasn't even MY trauma. I've since been to the batting cages once, and played with my nephew a few times in the backyard. I feel like that's progress enough for a while.

Back to last night. Bat in hand, I crept to the kitchen window, pleased to see it was still in one piece. I looked out the window, then decided that wasn't such a good idea. After all, I had heard someone's window get broken. I moved to the peephole in the door. There were two people (I had left my glasses on my bedside table...blast!) outside, yelling obscenities at each other. Actually, I think I only heard one yelling at the other. I also saw that my neighbors window had been broken. Sad day! The two figures drifted off towards the outside door, and I heard more glass breaking after what I thought I saw was one figure shoving the other. I crept back to my room, hoping I would be able to fall asleep fairly quickly. I put the bat back in its permanent spot by the bedroom door, then changed my mind and took it to bed with me. Silly, perhaps.

I woke up this morning to take the Dawsons to the airport (have fun in Denver!), and this is what I walked out my door to.

I saw the maintenance guy across the way near the outside door. There was a smashed screen, and a cone blocking the doorway. I walked that way, and it was like it had sprinkled blood last night. All over the sidewalk. The glass in the fire extinguisher box had been broken. And there was another broken window, though it was in the opposite direction from what I thought I had seen last night. He asked me if I knew what happened. All I knew was I woke up at 4 that morning thinking someone was breaking in, looked out the peephole to see two people fighting. They looked like people that lived in one of the apartments near me. But I don't know my neighbors well at all, so I'm not sure. So much blood! I saw this when I got back from the airport.

When I walked back inside, my landlords were taking some people around (maybe insurance people?). One of the strangers said, "I can't believe this." Welp, it's right in front of you. It definitely happened. The maintenance guy said they were drunk. Who knows? I'm just glad that I'll be moving in the next couple months. My neighbors seem to be getting more and more annoying, and sketch. Thank goodness I had that bat last night to help protect myself...

Oh changes...

Well, lots of changes are coming. Generally, like most people, I'm sure, I'm pretty resistant to change. It just doesn't sit well with me. I like having a status quo. Surprises tend to freak me out. Not that you can really tell most of the time, but I like having things in order.

But I've decided to embrace these changes. Now, that doesn't necessarily mean I'll always like them. But I'm going to try to look forward to them. And learn to appreciate the joy I'm sure they'll add to my life. I'm sure there will be an adjustment time, though.

For instance, it's going to be odd when nearly all my friends start school again later this month, while I (hopefully) start working. A full time job. Like an adult. However, there are so many things I'm not going to miss about going back to school. Quizzes. Homework. Boring professors. Stressing over exams. Taking out more loans. Scraping by on my measly part-time income. And there are so many things to look forward to. Making my wish-list for my first pharmacist paycheck. Looking for a new apartment (with two main requirements: an awesome kitchen, and a washer and dryer- or at least hookups for them). Having a savings account again. Being able to pay the gparents back for all the many checks they've written for me these last few years (including my car, which I still love!). Being able to afford going on many more trips (Chicago, MO, and Fort Worth are at the top of the list). Starting my 'Olympics in London with Gma' fund. Let's be honest. Who wouldn't want to embrace these changes?

There are other changes that are in the works now. My sister is pregnant. I'll get to be Auntie Pam to another amazing niece/nephew (we're all hoping it's a nephew; and by we I mean my sister, Alex, and myself. Does anyone else really matter?) in 2012. Along with new baby (which my sister keeps calling he; this is a really bad habit if it turns out to be a girl), my sister might move up to Albs. Which would be awesome for the sole reason that I would get to see my Little Man basically whenever I wanted! And the baby. Which would hopefully calm the baby fever that I am currently being plagued with. The downside of these changes is they involve another person. One I'm not particularly fond of. Who is now engaged to my sister. Like I said, I'm gonna try to embrace it, but I'm not always going to be a happy camper.

I'm sure the next few months, and next couple years, will bring many more changes. My only hope is I will remember to use them as opportunities to grow. No more staying stagnant for this girl. I feel like I've done enough of that these last few years.

Oh, did I mention I had a job interview today? Fingers crossed...

Oh, it's raining men...

Well, not literally. That would be a sight to see! It has been raining, though. There are few things that I love more than walking in the rain...especially after such a dry summer! The air smells so amazing, and it suddenly becomes so much cooler. It almost feels as if the rain is washing away all recent disappointments. And wow, I really am terrible at this blogging thing! I just looked, and only got one post in the whole year of 2010, and this year isn't looking much better. I'll work on it. I'm hoping that now that I'm done with school and tests, I will have a little more time to keep up with things like this. Sometimes I don't write because my life is rather boring. But that's not the sole reason, I promise. My life really is hilarious at times!

So this summer has been rather dry. I think it was just mocking my dating life...or lack thereof. I told my mama the other day that my dating drought has finally ended. For a season, at least.

So here's the story. Feel free to laugh. Kate did when I told her. Also, remember that of course this would happen. It was typical. I'm still wondering why I was surprised. This is my life...

I was hanging out with a friend from high school that was up visiting a mutual friend. We were laughing the afternoon away, catching up on news of our peeps, reminiscing. Then I got a phone call. Boy 1 was calling to see if I would like to be his date on a double on Friday. I'm not quite sure, but the first thing that went through my mind was that Soli's indoor soccer game was on Friday night. Really? I'm pretty sure Solon's games aren't gonna help me end my singleness. Unfortunately, due to said thoughts, this is how my answer came out: "Uhhhhh....yes, I'd love to!" Really smooth with the five minute long uhhhh. Please believe me when I say I am excited for Friday, though. It should be lots of fun, and Boy is very nice.

Fastforward about 4 hours. This girl decided to check her phone after remembering it was on silent. What should she see, but two missed calls! It was odd, because I'm not actually that popular (i.e. rarely do I miss calls, because rarely do I receive them. I'm not a huge phone talker), and most of my friends were with me! So I check who the calls were from, and they were both from a sister in the stake. Now, I'm not quite sure why I suddenly lost all common sense. But I did. Did I wait to see if there was a message? Nope, I just gave a little call back. And was very surprised when a man answered the phone. Why did I assume this number was the sister's cell? I'm not really sure. But I did. "Hi, did Sister so-and-s0 just call me?" Wow. Did I even think to use my name? Nope, I definitely said me. Like if this was her cell phone, this man would magically know the answer. Welp, turns out it was definitely her house phone, and said man was definitely her son. What did he want? Oh, just to ask me out for Friday. Honestly?! Like I said, this is my life. Typical. I told him I was free any other day, but couldn't Friday. Just this Friday, or every Friday? Just this Friday. He said he'd figure something else out and get back to me. So, fingers crossed! Also, hopefully next time we talk I don't sound like such a moron. I guess I need to take lessons from a friend, the self-proclaimed King of Common Sense...

Oh fall!

These next couple months are definitely my fav. We've got chile roasting, which always smells delish! My Little Man's birthday, where we made the Ultimate Chocolate Cake (and Rainbow cake, which I was more excited about). The state fair, with all it's fab fried food and flocks (or herds) of goats, cattle, and other animals. (What do you call a group of goats?) The balloon fiesta, with a personal goal this year to see the Glowdeo. Fall break, which includes a trip to see the bestie in MO this year (holla!). Thanksgiving, which I'm more pumped about than usual because I managed to pull some strings and get the week off so Dad and I can join the annual Poynter Thanksgiving funness (love my cousins!). Christmas, for obvious reasons. And perhaps most importantly, the celebration of MY birth (haha totally kidding, though y'all should consider yourselves pretty blessed. haha Again, kidding). Pretty awesome line-up, eh?

Anyway, courtesy of Little Man, I wanted to leave you with a few laughs, and dedicate this post to him (it is, after all, his birthday month), and all the fabulously funny things he says. Without trying to be funny. So grateful I had a whole month to hear these first hand from him.

"Auntie Pam, are you pregnant?" Nope. "I wish you were." haha Maybe someday. "Awww." (the disappointed aww)

"Whenever I see chicken nuggets, it makes me Starvin' Marvin!" (yep, trying to convince me to take him to McD's.)

"I like your face."

"I don't wanna work at Hamburger Helper. No." (No one had mentioned HH. He also doesn't want to work at Wally World. He wants to work at McAlister's.)

"I can teach you how. It's 4 steps. One. Two. Three. Four. Or if you're me, you just do it real fast." (He's been winking since he was like 6 months old. I look like I'm having a facial spasm if I try. I'm not jealous or anything. I appreciate him trying to help a sister out.)

Watcha thinking about Little Man? "Well, just about my birthday, and my birthday rules." Why do you need birthday rules? "Well, would you want people smashing all your stuff?" Good point. I think rules are an excellent idea! (He thought of 6 rules. After all, he was 6 years old. And there are 6 episodes of Star Wars.)

1. Don't smash all my stuff

2. Don't step on Jet (the cat- he's very protective)

3. Follow the rules

4. No one can blow out the birthday candles (he did say that rule didn't apply to him)

5. No fighting

6. HAVE FUN!

"Wicked awesome!" (Not quite sure where he picked it up, but LOVE that he says wicked)

"The ULTIMATE CHOCOLATE CAKE!!!"

♥

P.S. Bestie, you were wrong. Too bad we didn't bet any money on this. I could have been like 37 cents richer!

Oh moments...

So sometimes I have these moments in my life. They're kind of traumatizing. And I wish that I could block them out of my memory (but apparently the only things I'm good at blocking out of my memory are the things I learn at school...that I need to remember). Instead, I replay them over and over in my head, 24/7. It's awful. And when I finally am able to push it to the back of my mind, something will get me thinking about it again and there's the movie reel- on repeat- again. 

Why is it harder to remember the funny memories, yet so easy to flashback to the horrible ones? I mean, if I had the conversation I had with my dad the other day on repeat, I would be laughing hysterically all day long! My grandparents gave me a chair a few months ago, for the new apartment. Unfortunately, I had to wait for mi padre to bring it up...cause he's the one with the truck. Well, he finally decided to come up. He told me if he could fit the chair inside the truck, he would bring it (lets keep in mind that this chair in my mind is like a little midget chair). If he had to put it on the dog box on the back of the truck, it was a no-go. Dad! I've been waiting ever since I moved in for this chair! His reply? Pam, I'm not going to put it on the box and look like a hillbilly. Although it would be nice to sit in tonight when I'm out hunting, sitting in the dark, listening to the dogs. (Oh, did I mention it's a pink chair?) But it would only be worth it if you were there to take a picture...and you won't be so it's not gonna happen. And that is why I love my dad. Turns out my neighbor also thinks he's cool. And pretty much everyone I know that's ever met him. Try not to be too jealous...

Oh telenovelas...

Have you ever watched a soap opera and actually believed what you were watching? Anytime I've seen the things (I'll admit, there was a time in my youth where I faithfully watched Days of our Lives...how foolish we can be sometimes...), I can't help but think "Yeah right, that would NEVER happen!" I was talking with my sister one day and we concluded that our lives are like soap operas. Now, we were referring to the crappy stuff that sometimes happens in our lives (which, on the rare occasions when I put my life into perspective (I'll work on it, ok?), I realize isn't that bad); this thought has stuck with me since that conversation, though, and I've come to the conclusion that I could look at it another way. If I were to tell my story to a complete stranger, perhaps they would never believe all the blessings I have in my life. Or how ordinary my life is, despite the occasional tribulations that I let make my heart heavy. 

I mean, who studies on Halloween? Oh, right, that's me. But that's ok. I have amazing people in my life who make up for my lame-sauceness. Take, for instance, the ever watchful RSP/VT girl who helps me while I'm having my allergy induced breakdown, then takes time out of her busy Sabbath to bring me supplies. Or the other VT girl who skips out on FHE with me to watch a little Whip It. Or my married friends who take time out of their busy married lives to spend a little QT with me (i.e. Tresann and J- I know he wasn't technically there, but would have been if possible; Katie and Rich- providing much needed company/nourishment; Mel and Terry- thanks again for the chile!; Leah and Corby- I almost jumped in my car that day to go home and see Baby Lewis...dang school!). I've dealt with rejection, but I've also had moments that make me slightly uncomfortable just because I don't deal well with compliments (i.e. J and R announcing to the class that I'm their "Angel"; another branch member telling me someone would have to be stupid/crazy/gay to not be interested if they'd caught my eye; D and M constantly remarking on my smarts...and never letting me pay during our study sessions/food festivals). 

I have moments everyday that make me laugh (goodbye class/hello rainstorm, losing my shoe in the river running down Lomas, and walking home in a slight downpour), or cry (losing my planner, my ID, some confidence), moments where I have the opportunity to serve, or learn, or dance, or ponder. Welcome to my life...a telenovela.

Oh amazingness!...

Do you like how you can add -ness to just about any word and it makes it that much better?! haha Certain people like to make fun of me for that, telling me how I make up words (where sometimes they actually are legit words), but I think really it's just jealousy of my geniusness! 

Life is grand. It kinda seemed like a dump there for a bit, but things have started to get better! The bestie came to town mid-August. It was pretty much amazing. We road tripped, made some funny bets, got some speeding tickets (just one actually, and it was mine, surprise! ), treed some bear (a mama and cub), visited friends, watched GG (Gilmore Girls, not Gossip Girl, though I am a fan of both shows), celebrated life, and got some cholos! 

Then there was the embarrassing weekend at church where I felt like months worth of prayers were being answered and I was just plain overwhelmed. Good thing that particular Sunday of crying during the majority of sacrament happened to coincide with the announcement of the transfer of one of our long-time missionaries. Thank you Pres for announcing to everyone that I didn't need to cry about Elder Davis leaving...

I love my awkward life. Like how I went to the store one Saturday night instead of hanging out with anyone, deciding that since I wouldn't see anyone because they all had plans it would be fine to go in my PJs. And who needs a bra? Just throw a jacket on! I should have known I would actually see a full-sized van full of my friends. 

I love my non-awkward life also! I have a newfound appreciation for Labor Day, and the awesomeness of the Annual Labor Day Zoo Extravaganza, tatts included. Shopping was fun; the bowls are my favorites, and the dress still makes me smile! Oh, and in case you didn't already know, I heart my amazing friends! :) I also heart when long-lost-married/fallen-off-the-face-of-the-earth VT girls come to singles' dances. ;) haha Just joshing. She's done an excellent job of trying to stay involved. Not joking that she came to dance the night away with us, though. It was a night full of squeals of delight! And one sad face when my camera broke. And one awkward face when I went to dine with a fellow and he sat on the same side of the booth as me. It was just the two of us. I judged him a little. I'll try to work on that. 

And the most recent excellentness of my life included one weekend in LC. What beats bowling the worst game of your entire life at your Little Man's party to celebrate his 6 years of life, running around like a crazy person to visit family members/important married friends (because of course it's much too difficult for them to gather to one place at one time), and developing a new little crush? I can only think of one possibility. Perhaps it would be R giving J the sex talk...

Remember to breathe that air...

Sometimes that's how I feel. Like it's a struggle just to get through the day, doing the ordinary things that people do. Good thing I have so many things in my life to make me laugh. Like when my brother-in-law drunk dials me. He says my name about ten times in various ways. Then, after I ask what he's doing, he tells me he's just breathing some air. Then he asks if I can see the moon. Nope, I'm in Wally World so that's a negative. Oh well, he says, neither can I. 

Or when I have to meet with Pres. He randomly asks if I'm going on dates. Nope. Haven't been on one of those in a few years. Then he drops the bomb. "What do you think of MB?" Really?!? Out of all the people in the whole wide world, that's who he suggests? I couldn't even say anything. I was totally speeachless. All I could do was nod no. The nervous laugh didn't even come out. When he pressed me about it, I told Pres the proposed date annoys me a little. Pres busted up laughing. Told me he thought I was gonna say I had a crush on him. WRONG! Then Pres surprised me again by telling me I'd changed a lot in six months. He wasn't quite sure what it was, but to keep on. 

I've never been one to accept compliments very graciously. It usually turns pretty awkward. I suppose the good thing is it gets me to do a little self-examining. Someone told me the other day I just keep impressing them. How, I have no clue. I don't thing there's anything exceptional about me. I failed at the not being critical stint, although lately I've found it easier to be in the same room with certain people. I've tried to make improvements on my fellowshipping abilities, as well as focusing more on the important people in my life. No se how successful I've been, though. 

I try to let my light shine, but sometimes it's hard when I'm standing in the middle of a downpour...

I'm a kayak, hear me roar...

I like to think I'm independent. I pay bills myself. I cook meals myself. I do laundry myself. I grocery shop myself. I book trips myself. I travel by myself. I make decisions myself. I haven't lived with my family in over two years. I'm single, and I like to think I'm pretty good at it. I get frustrated when I need to rely on other people to do something for me. Lately, I've been feeling so independent that I feel comfortable going to the movies or eating out alone. Kind of a huge step for me. However, there are some things that still frighten me. 

One such thing is living by my lonesome. The thought is terrifying. It's silly when I think about it, because I practically live alone right now. The roomies are hardly ever home. But there are roomies. I can say goodbye to that in less than a month. Gma and I were talking and she said are you okay with that? Well, not really, but I'll just have to work on that. What is it about simply having a roommate that brings a sense of safety? Thankfully mi padre is going to come up to help move me into the new apartment. Maybe I'll feel a little more peace after getting his endorsement of the place. And once I get a microwave and a vacuum...

I've reached a point in my life where I'm happy with my single status. I can't quite remember the last time I went on a date. Besides, I don't feel like I have time to commit to a relationship. Someday those feelings will change, I'm sure. I hope the future holds someone who will tell me "I just like to see you happy", and that when that time comes I will be content with letting go of some of my more independent tendencies. 

My satisfaction with my life at this point comes in part from my family. I've had the chance to spend some quality time with everyone this summer. Even Dad. I think he likes to make me cry. Not in a bad way. We always get into discussions that bring out the emotional in me, though. I can count on him to always be totally honest with me, even though he can be a bit blunt at times. We were talking one night about character flaws, and I was curious as to what he thought mine was. Of course he told me. People get the impression that my parents must have been pleased as punch with me while I was growing up. Not the case. I was a total red-headed brat. I mean, I didn't cause trouble...unless I was at home. I probably got more spankings than my sister and brother combined. However, he told me, like he'd told his boss earlier that week, that all that nonsense was fine because now, I was just a NICE girl. Very ironic as I struggled with my girls in our mission to not be critical of others. I hope I can live up to that sentiment...

My brain is a wild jungle full of scary gibberish...

Father's Day. Summer. Sunday. Reveling in the return. Bfast and pedis. Sports' night. My girls. Great news. New car. Rain. Missing my married/moved peeps. Chicago. DY. Popular. Fav boy band songs. Cousins. Thanksgiving. Beer. Dinner with Dad. The lake. Sunburns. Medicine. ER. Grandparents. Road Trip. Deer sign. Missourri. My boyfriend. RM. The Elders. Sushi. My mind seems so disconnected. Or I just can't concentrate. Sometimes it's a little frustrating, but far better than the times where I seem to be engulfed in a grey little cloud and my thoughts are consumed with whatever is dragging me down while I try to fake it to everyone else. I think I probably suck at the whole faking it thing because I've come to realize my face is much more expressive than I would like, but I still try. 

There was no faking it this week, though. I had such a great welcome back. It felt so right. FHE was a blast. I was a little sad we did famous people instead of animals, but you can't ever please everyone, right? And confession...for what if, that was my question about the missionaries being on time to dinner. Sorry Rach, hope you didn't get blamed for that one. Speaking of missionaries, they still make fun of me a little, but I've come to the realization that I think Elder Hansen was the instigator. I love the reasoning behind the teasing. It might not even be true but it makes it legit in my mind. I love that the Elders get to go to sports night. They really help the numbers, especially on the weeks where everyone decides not to go. In my mind, I am terrible at sports. Well, there are lots of sports that I actually am awful at, but I've come to realize that some sports I just need a little warm up. And then I'm not so bad. Perhaps not good, but not bad. Hanging out with people from the branch is always fun. I realize I'm not a super fellowshipper like some people I know, but I do like that I can be friends with persons I don't hang out with all the time. And I like knowing that these people might occasionally invite me to activities that aren't the usual. This week was full of surprises, one of them being the dance. I know it's not really fair to judge something before it happens, but I often go to things with preconceived notions. Right or wrong, I love when I am pleasantly surprised. I love dancing the night away with my Uni peeps! I'm even okay with that making for a late night to my semi-early morning. There are few things that can beat breakfast and pedis with some of my fav girls in the whole wide world. Especially when it's a first! I suppose it probably wasn't the most prudent idea, seeing how I'll be incomeless for approximately two months by the time I'm scheduled to work again. 

But money can't always control your decisions. That was the logic I used when I promptly went out to buy some peep toes to show off the pedi at church. Now, I'm not generally one for heels; they tend to give me the stature of a giant, and quite frankly, make me feel very uncomfortable. Yesterday was different for some reason. They just felt right. I thought, I can get used to this, and boys, maybe you should as well.  Wearing them did make me feel slightly guilty, though. Perhaps it was all the talk of fathers, which made me think of how frugal my dad is. In this case, frugal is the nice way to say cheap, penny-pincher, tightwad. Granted, he has gotten a little more generous in his "old age", but I've already inherited many of his economics. Still, sadly, the reserves for the Bank of Pam are dwindling. It's amazing what traveling will do to the funds...

Oh the price of fun...

First off, I feel very remiss in my friend praising. Huge shout out to the Uni Branch...who made one Saturday complete when I got home at the right moment to meet the mailman who had a huge package with my name on it! I felt honored to be the recipient of, not one message in a bottle, but many...and to have an FHE in my honor! haha I missed my girls, and dudes...but I think mostly my girls. 

So, don't be alarmed by the story that follows. All is well. At the time it wasn't even a problem, mostly just embarrassing. I don't really know why it happened. Gma said because I didn't get enough sleep while Dad was visiting last weekend, they said dehydration. Whatever it was, it made for an exciting Monday, and a complete experience at the hospital. So I had been at work about an hour and one of the pharmacists suggested I go with one of the other pharmacists on his rounds that morning, just to see what it was like. I was stoked! So we went up to the ICU and he was doing his thing. I suddenly got very nauseous and my skin started prickling. I thought maybe I should sit down, but was worried it was inappropriate. The pharmacist turned to me to ask if I wanted to go back to the pharmacy, and next thing I knew I was on the floor with the doctor and nurse and pharmacist firing questions at me. Are you diabetic? Pregnant? Has this ever happened? Did you eat breakfast? Get a wheelchair and take her to the ER! So I spent the next 4 hours in the ER while they pumped fluids into me and determined I wasn't pregnant. Good to know. 

I'm not really sure why this is, but I was reflecting on things during my last week at work, and I realized I kind of enjoy doing the mundane jobs at work. Weird. Maybe because it brings a sense of order, or maybe my brain is tired. I was trying to decide if it was good, or should I consider it a character flaw? Should I be using my knowledge more, or is it ok to find a kind of escape in the ordinary?

Something not ordinary? My weekend at the lake. I was a little nervous for a few reasons. First, I printed the directions then left them at the house. Brilliant move. Luckily I'd been there for youth conference a few years before. Second, they gave me some meds after my little ER incident that make me sensitive to the sun...good thing I'm wired to burn with the mere thought of the sun. However, that also ended well with my body only being slightly rosier than it was when my day in the sun began. Third, how were the sleeping arrangements gonna be? Somehow, our two-bed room ended up with 10, ten, T-E-N, girls in it, and I was one of the many assigned to the floor. K and I opted to sleep in the car. After many laughs, all day on the boat with some dudes from Cruces (and other random people in the AM and PM), and tubing, I was exhausted and ready to head back to the 'Burque! When I woke up this morning I had to remind myself how fun this weekend was, and no, I did NOT get hit with a bus.